I have worked 40 hours for the past two years, killed myself with taking 12+ credits, hardly get to see Kalae or any of my friends, and am in the process of figuring out what I want to do with my life next. All of this has made me so exhausted. I don’t get time for myself, hardly ever. My birthday didn’t go as I planned. I don’t get out much. I don’t even remember the last movie I have gone to? 

I just want to take a whole week off of work and get away. Either to another island, another state, or on a boat cruise. I already asked Kalae and he agreed that we could. He works for a new company now where they receive benefits. So it should be a little easier for us to plan something. I just want to go away and relax. Ease my mind. Anything to just forget about all the troubles that I have encountered. 

The three choices:
1. California (Disneyland)
2. New York
3. Boat Cruise

I would put Vegas in there, but Kalae and I have both been there already. I would love to go but I just want to do something new and different. This will be a great bonding trip for the two of us since we hardly get to do anything together or see each other. I think this will be a good opportunity for the both of us to just relax and get away from everything & everyone. 

I have been dreading this upcoming weekend for over a month now. On Saturday is Digital Wonderland. & of all places to go for his friend’s birthday, (the one friend I absolutely cannot STAND), his friend wants to go to Digital. Honestly, I trust Kalae. I know he isn’t the type to cheat or do anything stupid. It’s just the influence of his friends that I don’t like. He says he doesn’t listen to what they say, but of course if something goes down then he’s down for whatever. That isn’t the worst of my worries.

My biggest fear is that he will end up doing some sort of drugs while he is out there. Everyone that goes to these raves is rollin’ or doing some sort of drug and that is what I am afraid of. Kalae’s friends are the type to be all like, “just try it once.. it won’t hurt” and he may or may not do it. I want to have faith that he won’t but I am just so worried. 

Guess I am just going to have to wait and see what happens. I know I cannot control him or who he hangs out with. He says he loves me. He knows the “rules”. Everyone tells me that I am a pretty good girlfriend to even be letting him go to a rave, let alone be going by himself! What can I say, if he really loves me, he won’t do nothing. I just want this weekend to go by smoothly. Praying that all goes well, and if it doesn’t? Yeah… guess it wasn’t meant to be. 

Yesterday at work, I got called into the office to talk to my boss. Whenever I get called into the office, it’s usually something bad so I knew something was up. As I sat down, they told me they had to talk to me. According to them, a bunch of people are saying I am talking about them. Uhhh ok? It’s pretty funny they say that because I am friends with 90% of my coworkers! & I mean good friends! On top of that, why cry to our boss about personal issues? Really? >.< There’s only one girl I can think of who would say anything since she is such a kiss ass. She thinks that by kissing our bosses’ ass, she will get my position. Let me tell you something, IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN! There’s no way that I can get demoted because some pussy b*tch is crying to our boss. Leave your personal problems at the door when you get to work! At this moment, I trust NOBODY at my job. I am over these little girls stirring up drama as if we are in high school. Keep my name out of your mouth! I love how the girl I am assuming that said anything is not working with me this whole week. How convenient! Telling my boss tomorrow to tell whoever it is that’s saying I said anything about them to have a conference with me at work. Want to bring personal issues to work? Fine, do it. We can have our boss sit in on the conversation since you are too much of a pussy b*tch trying to hide! I bet they told our boss to talk to me because they are too scared to do it. Just wait till I find out who it is… TRUST me! Game on b*tch!

Yesterday, Kalae and I had made 4 years. What a journey our relationship has been. We have seen each other at each others’ highest and lowest. It’s scary to think that there’s one person who knows every aspect of me at all times. I honestly was so happy to spend the whole entire day with Kalae. As the years come and go, I have learned that it’s not about who gets each other the best things or how much money you spend on the person. I have come to realize that it’s all about the little things that count. The small things including quality time spent together. I don’t even really remember making Kalae laugh so hard like how I did yesterday. It was a good feeling to just enjoy each others’ company. Starting this weekend, we are gonna start spending one day together and one apart with friends. It’s good to get some alone time on our own. Usually I get upset because he spends so much more time with his family than with me. Not no more. We have actually compromised to make things work out for the two of us. I am going to make this new year of ours one full of compromise and trust. I am going to try my best and see how it works out…..so happy to have made it so far with this man. 

until I forgot to do a quiz for one of my classes. Good thing those quizzes are only worth 10% of our final grade and I have been up to date with everything else going on in the class. Damn you stupid quiz! I don’t know how I even missed it? I must have got it mixed up with another quiz for another class. FML. So not like me. It’s okay though…just 2 more weeks left after this week and I am FINISHED with school. At least until I go to law school… C’mon semester! Be good to me. 

A little over a week ago, I had received a speeding ticket. Been trying to pay it online but it still is saying that my citation can’t be found. Does that mean that the cop didn’t even put my ticket through? I ain’t going to mail in the money for my ticket because why would I give them free money if they didn’t even put my ticket in the system? Hmmm. Weird. I guess it’s a good thing though. Lol. Whatever, we will see what happens.

But i’m not. It still hurts. I make plans with Kalae, and it never falls through. Dinner, movies, whatever it is, never happens. I guess I don’t want to complain because I know he is tired from work. He works 7 days a week, 10+ hours a day. He never has a day off. But when he does, he always makes time for his friends. I guess because we “live” together. But still. I want to feel appreciated too. :(

I need to learn to look at the positives to this. At least he ain’t going out without me knowing. At least I know he isn’t cheating on me. At least I know he is trying to make something out of himself. 

You would think by now I would just go out without him and make my own plans with friends, but I think I don’t in hopes that maybe, *just maybe*, he would surprise me and take me out. Honestly, anything will make me happy at this point! Whatever though. This shouldn’t be something that should get me down so much…but it does. Hopefully he makes time in his busy life for me again some day.

Since Kalae is always working on my days off, it gives me time to spend with myself. I go out and get me lunch, I do my nails/get waxed/shop whatever it is I feel like doing, and just spend time on my own. I watch movies by myself, I clean, I do whatever to keep myself occupied. I kind of like it, although I do miss him. Sometimes I just need to take a step back and do things for myself. It’s nice to have someone to do things with, but keeping myself occupied ain’t so bad. He will soon begin to miss me. Lol. Jk. But I do need to love myself before I can love anyone else. & that’s exactly what I plan on doing this month. This month is going to be all about me.